feeling like a fraud

This past week was challenging.  Temps soared to new records and the humidity level was super high.  It was too hot to simply stand outside, let alone run.  All this to say, the only mileage I got in last week was a broken up 10.3 on Tuesday.  I got 7mi in on the bike path near work then another 3.3mi in the neighborhood where I was cat/housesitting.  

Monday was my first day back...6 days after that Tuesday.  I ran 7mi but it was a struggle.  My mind kept repeating over and over, just keep running just keep running just keep running.  I mixed it up a bit by repeating don't go fast, just go don't go fast, just go.  I completed it, my time was around 10:30 per mile.  Not too bad...this is the pace that I would love to maintain for the marathon, btw.

I still had not done the 14mi run that was scheduled into my training.  It seemed that my mind and body couldn't get past that 10mi mark.  I felt like a fraud.  Am I really a "runner"?  Do I actually think I am going to finish a marathon?  In my head, the answer to both questions is No.  But in my heart, the answer to both questions is a resounding Yes!!  I want to do this, I have the desire to do this, I need to do this for myself.  Even with my mind and body groaning and protesting, my heart is winning out on this and I WILL run this marathon and I WILL finish!!

I set out Tuesday, determined.  I told no one how far I was planning to run.  I often find that if I tell people, I usually end up giving up and feel as though I've let the people down who I've told.  (even though they often say, holy cow, I couldn't run xx amount of miles!)  I mapped out a route in Wakefield and set off.  I put some water and energy gummies (not very good tasting...) out on my porch for a pick-me-up, knowing I was going to run by the house.  

I ran through town to the lake, around it twice, over to the hilly (little ones) street, down around 7-11 and back to my house.  That's 9.2miles.  After a brief stretching/refueling session, I headed off for the lake again through town, around and back.  Another 4.5mi.  That makes for 13.7mi.  Not quite 14 but good enough!  The first 9 weren't too bad...the last 4 were really tough.  But I did it.  I finished and that is what counts.

Today I did another 4.5mi or so around Waltham with my friend, John.  He's a speedster so he kept me going at a brisker pace than I usually go but it was great.  I was rewarded with homemade grilled pizza (3 kinds!) and a garden salad-all from his garden.  It was quite a treat.