in process

A work project took a couple coworkers and me to Boston yesterday.  We wandered from the Common and Public Garden, down Comm Ave, over to Newbury Street, and finally up to Boylston.  As I gazed down at the finish line and the photo bridge that is still up crossing the street, I couldn't help but see the stark contrast between last year and this year.  It's not supposed to be like this, was all I could think.  Honestly, it was hard to stand there, thinking about the wreckage and horror that took place on a day that was supposed to be glorious and celebratory.  This bustling street was empty and blocked off.  It's not supposed to be like this.

Forgive me as I try to process my grief.  This event hit close to home for me, in more than just the literal sense.  First, I am processing this as a Christian.  Trying to wrap my head and heart around the fact that there is evil in this world and the fact that God is still in control.  One day, He will make this world right.  But it's not time for that yet. 

Second, I am processing this as a Bostonian.  I've always felt a little bit insulated from major attacks because we are so close to NYC and Washington DC.  Naively, I never thought something like this would happen to Boston.  But it has.  And one thing I've learned from living here is that Bostonians are tough, tough people.  We will not shrink back or stand down.  We will fight for our neighbors and our community.  And we will not cower in fear, but stand up in strength.  Stephen Colbert put it best.  Also, check out the National Anthem at the Bruins game last night.  Breathtaking.

And thirdly, I'm processing this as a runner.  It makes me so angry that whoever did this choose to attack, not only our city, but our marathon.  The realization that they stole the joy and wonder from the finish line of the greatest race (my favorite marathon!) and turned it into something ugly...well, it just makes me sick. 

There is a sign at work (I work at a church) that simply reads: forgiven.  I typically see this and silently thank God that I am forgiven.  But as I read that sign on Tuesday, I prayed for the ability to forgive those who caused this pain to my city.  To forgive them as someone who was made in the image of Christ (though they may not know it); to forgive what they did to the City of Boston and so many of her people; and to forgive what they did to the Boston Marathon.  I'm not there yet.  It will take some time, maybe even a long time, and that is okay.