in my blood

I casually stated to a friend the other day that I was not that competitive. She looked at my like I had four heads. "Yes. You. Are. You're being competitive about *not* being competitive." Well, she had a point. I was absolutely trying to prove that I was less competitive than another of our friends. Touche...

We're not all competitive. Some people couldn't care less about winning, being right, running faster, jumping higher, etc. But, some of us do. Perhaps it's something in our nature or perhaps it's something that we pick up from our parents or friends, a learned behavior. I know exactly where my competitiveness comes from: my mom. And hers comes from her mom. Grandma DeKoning was the sweetest lady - read the Bible every day, made THE BEST cinnamon rolls, always had candy in her pocketbook - but if you got into a game of cards with her, she would size you up and wipe the floor with you. She did not take it easy on anyone when it came to games. Even when she was close to the end of her life, if you took up a game of Skip-Bo with her, she'd get this gleam in her eye and win. Every time. My mom, therefore, is also pretty competitive. She loves to win and has learned how to lose graciously. Right, mom? ;)

So that's where it comes from. It's in my blood. From the time I started running, I had to realize that I would not be able to beat everyone. Ever. But I could beat my time. (And I could pick off a few people in front of me along the way - I haven't lost ALL of my outward competitive drive.) Mostly I realize that if I'm racing anyone, it's myself. It's feeling better, stronger at a distance I've done before. It's running a loop faster than I have before. It's doing the entire Insanity circuit without quitting again!

This mentality is hard to grasp at first. When you've got that drive, you want to go and beat all the other people on the course! But realistically that will not happen. So you've got to focus that energy into bettering yourself. When someone asks, "Did you win?" You can say, "Yeah, I did. I beat my previous time!" or "Yeah, I feel better about this distance than I ever have before!"

It's not about winning and beating everyone else. It's about developing yourself and getting stronger each and every time you head out the door.